Psalm 38

1 O Lord, rebuke me not in your anger,
nor discipline me in your wrath!
2 For your arrows have sunk into me,
and your hand has come down on me.

3 There is no soundness in my flesh
because of your indignation;
there is no health in my bones
because of my sin.
4 For my iniquities have gone over my head;
like a heavy burden, they are too heavy for me.

5 My wounds stink and fester
because of my foolishness,
6 I am utterly bowed down and prostrate;
all the day I go about mourning.
7 For my sides are filled with burning,
and there is no soundness in my flesh.
8 I am feeble and crushed;
I groan because of the tumult of my heart.

9 O Lord, all my longing is before you;
my sighing is not hidden from you.
10 My heart throbs; my strength fails me,
and the light of my eyes—it also has gone from me.
11 My friends and companions stand aloof from my plague,
and my nearest kin stand far off.

12 Those who seek my life lay their snares;
those who seek my hurt speak of ruin
and meditate treachery all day long.

13 But I am like a deaf man; I do not hear,
like a mute man who does not open his mouth.
14 I have become like a man who does not hear,
and in whose mouth are no rebukes.

15 But for you, O Lord, do I wait;
it is you, O Lord my God, who will answer.
16 For I said, “Only let them not rejoice over me,
who boast against me when my foot slips!”

17 For I am ready to fall,
and my pain is ever before me.
18 I confess my iniquity;
I am sorry for my sin.
19 But my foes are vigorous, they are mighty,
and many are those who hate me wrongfully.
20 Those who render me evil for good
accuse me because I follow after good.

21 Do not forsake me, O Lord!
O my God, be not far from me!
22 Make haste to help me,
O Lord, my salvation!

Today, and really the past week I have found these words of David have been so true of my life.  So much heartache, pain, and confusion has swept over me.  My heart rejoices in the Lord's healing of my dear friend Jessica's baby brother, Josh, who was in a terrible car accident Sunday evening.  Through many many prayers and pleads to spare his life, the Lord heard our cries and saved us a tragedy.  Josh is healing quickly and miraculously. Praise Him!

The past week of my life, I have been everything short of who Christ has called me to be to those I care for.  Sin has really crept over me and darkened my attitude.  How did I let this happen?  When was I vulnerable enough to let such a thing happen?  To let something as dark as what overtook me this week have reign over me is so frustrating to me! Especially when I look back at the way I have acted!  Lord, transform my heart!  Cast out this ugly spirit within me and fill me with Your love!

Today is my 22nd birthday.  I am not excited, nor am I discouraged that I'm 22.  No, it has nothing to do with age.  Some dates we remember, but most dates we do not.  We always remember our birthdays from the year before and compare it to this one.  This year, March 31st seems like just another day.  I remember last year, it was a beautiful day and I was so excited to be turning 21.  I think if I had been turning 31 I would have been just as excited.  Maybe not. I don't know.  But 22, sorry you just aren't doing it for me.  While a birthday should be fun and a celebration, every year I am reminded of what happened on my 13th birthday.  My dad decided to get clean, and a few days later gave Christ his life. He probably wouldn't like me posting this, but he'll never find out, let's be honest.  After seeing that transformation in him, never once did I doubt that Jesus was real.  I was so thankful, and what a difference in just his face!  So why is that a bad memory?  Well, it's actually a wonderful memory.  One that I will hold onto forever.  Unfortunately, Satan somehow slipped his way back into my dad's life and has a firm grip on him now.  That's what's so hard about my birthday.  Remembering the transformation, but also the downfall.  But if there is one thing I know, it's this: God is sovereign.  Romans 8:28.  Lord, may I never forget Your abounding grace.

I've got 30 minutes...

Today is day two of my workout with Jilian Michaels.  A little sore today in my hamstrings and quads, but I would like to be sore in the tummy area... Guess I'll have to work a little harder on that today.  I'm surprised I even have enough energy to do this workout because Barberito's 8-4 is a good enough work out for me.  I'm probably making myself do it more than anything, because let's be honest, Jilian Michaels doesn't have the sweetest sounding voice on the planet.  She kind of scares me.  Anyway, I've been working out solid for about 3 or 4 weeks now... Definitely feeling a tad bit better about myself.  My diet is also more healthy which just adds to the good feeling.  I haven't eaten fast food in several weeks, however I did spend $91 at the grocery store the other day which made my stomach hurl, lets be honest.  If you're wondering why I'm writing about all this, it's because I just ate, and you're not supposed to work out right after you eat apparently.  So I just thought I'd take this time to blog.  Let's see what else can I waste time and talk about?...

Music? Sure.  Adele.  My new kick for now.  Amazing voice, good vibes, strong lyrics.  Her new album came out recently, and while I am too cheap to purchase it, I listen to all the songs via Youtube.  Turning Tables is probably my favorite next to Someone Like You.  I'm telling you, if you have any taste in music, you will adore her.  John Mark Mcmillan.  I can't even really think what to write about him.  Love him, love his music, love his style.  While many view John Mark as a Christian artist, I read an article where he said he would not classify himself as such.  He says he writes about his life, and Jesus is apart of his life, so he writes about Him.  I find that very cool.  I went to his concert a couple of weeks ago, and have been dying to go to another one, but it seems that is a no go.  Oh well, I'll let someone else have my ticket.  He is known for his song How He Loves, which was made popular by David Crowder, but a couple of my favorite songs by him are Death in His Grave, and Skeleton Bones.  He is definitely one of the best songwriters I've ever listened to. Fo sho.

Has it been 30 minutes yet?... No. Ok, on to the next topic.

Truth Cards.  Thank you, Beth Moore, for the idea.  Purchased a spiral thing of note cards from WalMart yesterday and have been filling them with verses that speak truth into my life.  Hopefully this will also be a tool in helping me memorize scripture, which I humbly admit, is one of my worst disciplines.  I'm excited to see what the Lord is going to do in my life through this little pad of note cards.

Here is a little video of John Mark I think you will like.

Rain and Adele

You know those people who hate rain?  Those people who think that it's yucky and ruins all your fun? I'm not one of those.  I love rain.  I find it very relaxing, especially on a day when I have no plans but to do some school work, read a good book (thankfully part of my school work), and listen to good music.  Windows open, cool breeze coming through... Yes.  So very nice.  However, as relaxing as today has been, I have found myself very stressed.  When did I grow up and why do I have to make so many decisions?  Not just minor decisions like white or wheat bread, big ones.  For instance, moving home.  Ugh.  Back home?  Am I really going to be apart of the group they call the "boomerrang children?"  I never wanted that.  Of course, there have been a lot of things I never wanted, but there is God's reason for everything.  So many unanswered questions, I feel like I'm walking off a plank into the ocean of uncertainty. 

Ok, let's refocus here...  The only thing certain in this world is God's love for His children. Be transformed in the renewal of your mind... Take every thought captive to obey Christ...  I do not want to be another complainer.  Nor do I want to worry.  These things aren't from above.  The important thing to remember here is to walk daily with Him.  Side by side, step by step.  Keep your eyes focused on the kingdom, the rest will follow.  Sometimes it's easier to said than done, I know.

Breaking Free

Since about mid January or so, I have been doing the Beth Moore study Breaking Free.  And wow.  Ladies, I do not even know where to begin on how refreshing this study is!  If you've done this study, you know what I'm talking about.  I wish every woman on the face of this planet could go through it.  It has even been known to help a few men out they say.  The main point of Breaking Free is... you guessed it!  Breaking free of the yokes of slavery, the sins, the lies, the destructions, the strongholds that hinder us from becoming all that God has called us to be.  Let me tell you something - it works.  This study is packed with scripture that will leave you feeling uplifted, encouraged, challenged, and fearful of God Almighty.  My heart has been changed through the Holy Spirit working through Beth and her passion for women to know the longing Christ has for setting the captive free (John 8:32).  We all have strongholds, something that is holding us back, whether we realize it or not.  That's what sin does, and thats what the devil himself loves.  Let us not become slaves to sin, but slaves to obedience (Romans 6:16)!  We have a beautiful, abundant, joy-filled life waiting for us, so what are we waiting for?  I promise you, there is no greater joy than to delight yourself in the Lord.  When will we take off our blindfolds of sin and open our eyes to the magnificent reality that Christ lives in us?  The Holy God who created the universe lives in us, and not only that, but He loves us with a love that is unconditional.  God is love.  He is love. His wrath is even better than the best possible human love we can think of.  If that's not enough to bring you to your knees with praise on your lips, then I don't know what is.  Drink it in. Be refreshed!

Almost exactly 3 years later...

Ok, so Staci decided tonight that she wanted to start blogging.  I remembered I had a blog once.  Not that it would constitute for anything, because after all... I only posted once.  But here I am, again.  New and improved.  I love the little birdies at the top right hand corner.  Cute, right?  Who is going to read this anyway?  How do I show people?  Does anyone really even care to read about me?  Probably not.  So if this ends up being an epic fail, I blame Staci.  If you are reading this, God bless you.  It's almost like I'm going back 8 years to Xanga. Oh, Xanga...